Super Glue and Eye Drops

Here’s some good advice, never store these together. The consequences could be disastrous… or could they?

I met a girl through a friend of a friend. I’m halfway to Kevin Bacon on this one, an acquaintance if you will. She was a personal trainer. She had a lean body with good tone, but she looked like she had been slipping up on her healthy diet the last couple weeks. At the very least, I wouldn’t want to arm wrestle her.

I like to tell stories and we were at a party where I met her and (of course) I was telling some stupid story that was getting some yucks. When I dropped my well-timed ending punch line, she stepped into the ring. Now that I think about it the topic was about cats.

Here is her story about her cat, her story about her cat and her boyfriend to be more precise. She loved her boyfriend and she loved her cat. Unfortunately the cat and boyfriend did not share the same warm friendship. They actually hated each other, jealously perhaps.

She had been with him for over a year and he had moved into her flat. They shared everything including the toothbrush. It was a warm and cozy existence, that is, except for the cat. The cat resented his close tight bonds with its master. Days came and went with nary a hiss or a skedaddle to be noteworthy. But early mornings in bed were a different story. There was a feline enemy in the room lurking with an empty stomach. Often there would be a confrontation between said cat and the male intruder.

One morning in early January the skies were still dark and the the outside temperatures had plummeted. Both humans lay unsuspectingly asleep in bed. The slow steady steps toward the bed were bringing the cat into the scene of the crime. Carefully it slid along the end of the bed and onto the left side just below male intruder’s location. Every cat knows that timing is everything and this cat was an old pro.

At precisely 6am the bedside alarm went off and the cat leaped into the air intending to land on the boyfriend’s stomach. On impact the boyfriend sat straight up and the cat launch across the bed and over his loving owner. She too rose in a sudden jerking fashion. As the cat past by her head and down to the floor, one cat leg (with extended claws) swung out and scratch the owner’s face. In this moment tragedy appeared. You see, the cat accidently cut the right eyelid off its owner, right off, completely. True story.

While you are recollecting yourself from that last image I described, let me continue. She put the eyelid into a plastic bag and went to the emergency room. Once admitted and placed into a room, she met with a doctor on duty who suggested stitches to reattach the lid. I can only assume it was vanity, but she declined based on having permanent stitch marks on her face. So what to do?

She went home with her eyelid in a bag. She went into her bathroom. She reached for the Super Glue and glued it back into place. You can’t make this stuff up.

When it comes to Super Glue and me, I cannot get the glue to go where I want and my fingers are always messed up for two days. I would not have been able to do this.

She’s lucky that every time she blinks, one eye doesn’t go up to the sun.

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