Gabe Spanks a Spider

Isn’t it funny that there are a lot of gray areas in our life, in our world. People might feel strongly about this or that, but usually (the quiet majority) there is a large population of people who simply remain centered on a topic or just don’t care. Well, when it comes to cats the gray area seems to not exist. You either like cats or you don’t. I don’t know why this is, it is just my experience.

When we lived on the river we had a good friend and neighbor named Chuck. Like my mother, he hated cats. My mother was scared by a cat as a child so I can understand her situation, but I never figured out why Chuck didn’t like cats. But, trust me, he was quite clear on the topic.

We had two cats on the river. Gabriel and Kate were our pets for almost exactly 20 years. They were a huge part of our life and we loved them to no end. We spoiled them and we hid them away when company, sensitive to cats (allergies, hate, etc.) visited us. We chose our furniture carefully, mostly leather, to keep things clean. We were conscious of our cats and how they encroached on our guests and took steps to make our house feel like a non-cat home. We were good at it.

And it may sound weird, but Gabriel, who was very social, would sometimes be allowed to entertain with us. Non allergic guests made this easy. He soon learned how to drink at the bar with us. He preferred his water in a martini glass. He later learned how to play piano with me using his tail. Yes, we loved our little spoiled fur balls.

But back to Chuck.

One evening Chuck had found some excuse to come down and visit us for the evening, probably returning a borrowed tool. Of course, we let him in and offered a drink. However, we had forgotten about Gabe and he took full advantage of his freedom, hovering around the humans enjoying a cocktail in the living room.

However, his attention was distracted when he noticed a small spider on the wall above the sliding doors in the living room. The spider must have been a full seven feet above him. He sat on the floor in front of the spidery wall and locked his attention in full.

“Your cat has spotted a spider.” Chuck said.

“Yes, I see that. He wants to kill it” I returned.

“I think it’s gross, but he will most likely eat it.” my wife, Carrie, added.

“Nonsense! He can’t jump that high. You told me your cats were declawed, all four paws.” Chuck seemed to sense we were perhaps pulling something on him.

“Well, I got five bucks that says the spider is coming down.” I put on my brave face hoping to brag a bit about my cat. I didn’t expect him to reach that high either, but I was happy that Chuck had taken an interest in our cat. That is exactly how you convert cat haters. You let them observe a cat in their natural environment. Chuck watched closely as Gabe began to wiggle his back end. I realized he was going to go for it.

Chuck said, “Five, bucks? You’re on.”

And it was that quick. As if Gabriel was listening to his human companions. He lifted into the air, the full seven plus feet and slapped the lights out on that spider. He came back down to earth, like most cats do, on his feet and turned and looked at the three of us on the sofa. He sat down. I suspected he was waiting for money to change hands.

How did he do it? Well, most people didn’t know this but Gabe had a superpower. He was able to jump an extraordinary height with his power. You see, when the veterinarian removed his claws, he left a bit of one on the left back foot, third toe. And Gabe knew he had that one, it came in handy from time to time. And it came in handy now that his daddy was betting on him. When he lifted, he leaned into the living room glass door, which happened to have a screen door in front of it. He placed his one toenail into the screen and got a second push up. The spider never had a chance.

Gabriel ate the spider.

I won five dollars.

The jury is still out on Chuck and cats.

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