Dangerous Road Tricks & Bad Decisions

Growing up in Indiana was fun. But the hardest thing to do before we were old enough, was how to secure beer for the upcoming Friday night. Fortunately, we were quite clever and adaptive. There was always a new scheme waiting to be tested. Here’s a few short stories involving cars and beer.

Road Trick #1

My wife and I took our dear friends, Jim and Jennifer, to Six Flags Amusement Park one day in the summer of 1981. Not much to do with beer though, maybe a little at the end. Four young adults out on the road to the spend a wonderful day at an amusement park. What could go wrong?

The drive from Highland, Indiana to Gurnee, Illinois where Six Flags resided was 79 miles. We made 78 of those miles without any trouble at all. Unfortunately that last mile is the one that got us. I was driving with Carrie in front and the JPs in the back. Suddenly, without warning, the car simply died. No engine. Nada. As a young adult with little experience in these kind of situations, I simply walked to a gas station and called a tow truck. (You see children, back in those days there were no cell phones so everyone walked more) I hired him to take us back to Indiana, 78 miles to be precise. When I returned home with my broken car in the driveway, the four of us, not to be denied, got in Jimmy’s car and drove right back. Instead of arriving at the park at 10am when it opens, we got there at 2pm. We rushed ourselves into a great afternoon and talked and laughed about it all the way home after the sun set. The next day I got the lecture.

My dad was shocked at my decision making. “Michael, you know that your car insurance only pays for the closest towing option” I did not know that. “How much did you pay for your tow?” he inquired. “$100 dollars” I sheepishly admitted. “That’s money out the window. Well, you will learn” He dismissed me. That Friday night over beers with my friends, I told them the story. They had not learned that lesson yet either.

He was right. I only seen $15 for the tow.

Road Trick #2

This may be the dumbest thing I’ve ever done that I’m willing to write about. My parents were out of town. So obviously, we had to host a beer party, and we did. I remember playing some kind of beer drinking game while we sat around the table. Someone in the kitchen announced that he had just picked up the last can of beer. What? This is a bit of a crisis. Fortunately our good friend Jerry was seated at the table and he was 21 years old which meant we just had to drive to the liquor store and get more beer. What could go wrong?

Well, for one thing, Jerry’s car sucked. We got to the store and bought beer, but Jerry’s car wouldn’t start. He tried and tried but to no avail. It was dead. So we walked down to corner gas station and called up our party center at my parent’s house. (Remember there were no cell phones so everyone walked more). Fifteen minutes later Dave and my sister Karen arrived. What happened next is in my list of all time dumb things I’ve done. (Don’t try this at home). With Jerry’s car in front and Dave’s behind, we pushed the car back home (with beer in the trunk). My sister drove (steered) Jerry’s car and Dave drove his car. So where does that leave Jerry and myself? We sat on Dave’s hood and put our feet on the back of Jerry’s car. We managed this precarious position for two miles with nary a police car, a pothole or Dave making a sudden mistake and running us both over.

Road Trick #3

Yes, here is one more and this one is a doozy. I used to own a yellow 1980 Chevrolet Camaro (Dave correct me on this one if you read this) and decided to buy another car for better gas savings. My good friend Dave bought the Camaro from me. It was a good car and I loved it. Dave did too. With a handshake and some cash the deal was done. Back in those days, it was an ongoing event on the calendar to meet up at our garden apartment under Carrie’s Aunt Louise (Rest her soul) for some beer and pizza. Our attendance was outstanding. So what could go wrong?

One night we were enjoying some wonderful music (vinyl baby!) from our wooden stereo counsel and sipping on some beers. The problem was that Dave was nowhere to be found. (Again, no cell phones) But finally he arrived carrying a twelve pack (well actually only 11 now). “The car you sold me broke down and I had to walk the last mile” He looked a bit tired and overheated. “Come in and have a seat. We have pizza” I said. “Nice music!” he commented and the evening took off.

We liked playing games and that night I think it was charades. Jerry and Brenda were there and maybe a few more friends. We went late into the night like we usually did. And the next thing I know some people had left and the ones that had stayed were sleeping somewhere in the apartment. My wife, Carrie, was going down now too. I looked at the clock and it was 2am. Dave and I had another beer.

At 3am, we started talking about his car. “All forward gears are gone. I only have reverse” he said slightly frustrated. So, we had another beer.

At 4am, we stumbled onto a really great idea. “Let’s go get the car” it was settled and a moment later we were out the front door with a couple beers in hand. The mile long walk passed as fast as it always does for someone who has had too much to drink. There was the car, in all it’s yellow splendor. I realized how much I missed it but said nothing. We climbed in and started it up. It purrrred perfectly like always. But alas, no forward gears. We could not get it to go anywhere. So the next logical thing to do was drive back home in reverse.

So we did. The only problem was at the end of the block was a stop light. So, if you were driving by at 4:30am that night you might have seen a yellow Camaro sitting backwards on the street with two occupants looking through the back window waiting for the light to change. We made it easily through the green light, but the next challenge was turning. It seemed that every time Dave turned at a corner we would end up in someone’s yard. Everytime.

We finally made it home and backed into a lovely open spot in front of our garden apartment. No casualties.

Conclusion

Have I learned anything from these stories? Mmmmh… probably not.

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