Polly Want a Crack?

I have always been a hard worker. I learned it from my father. The work gets done and then the body rests. So, this story begins like many of mine, on the river, our river days. But there is no river in this story. This is about work. Sure, I had a full-time job, so did my wife. But when opportunities arose over the years, more times then not, I took them. I took this one too. It was a local roofing company in McHenry. They had helped us out years before when a tree fell on our house and we needed a new roof. Now an opportunity cropped up for me to come into their office and fix their network and computers. The deal was made over a handshake and I went to work.

The network was underfunded and over-neglected. So, essentially, nothing really worked. Some people could not print, some people could not log in, and nobody could share. Disaster. I immediately knew they needed to upgrade everything. But that was not an option. The husband/wife owners of the company were frugal. He did the roofs and she ran the office. Money was tight and technology was a privilege. Chuck & Tammy were computer illiterates. They had a couple of boys in high school but they had little to no interest in roofing.

So, I set out to repair and reinvent the current system as best possible. I could get a couple more computers to print and teach a couple employees how to log in and manage their computers better, but things were not looking much better. I probably put in four weeks of after-work effort until I threw in the towel and called it quits.

On one of the evenings when I was frustrating over broken software & hardware I noticed that Tammy had brought in a parrot, a large parrot. Into the cage by her desk it went. I had wondered what that empty cage was for and now I knew. She transported it from home to office from time to time. Owning a parrot, I learned, is a bit of a curse. They live well into their 80’s and 90’s, leaving most human owners adding them to their legal will for some other poor soul to deal with. This particular parrot was peg with the ubiquitous name of Polly.

Polly was chatty and wise. She had learned how to function in a human environment quite well. I would catch her out of the cage most evenings moving around and about the office to her own desire. Once I seen her walk down the long aisle that led to nothing but the restroom. I asked Tammy, “Where is she going?” “Oh, she knows how to use the toilet. She probably just has to pee.” “No way?” I was surprised. So, curiosity got the better of me and I followed. When I turned into the restroom, I looked to the left to see a full size parrot peeing in the toilet. This is true.

One day (I like where this is going), one day, I was working on a printer connection issue when I seen old Polly walking toward the toilet again. Just then one of Tammy’s sons and his girlfriend arrived at the worksite. Two young and bright adults holding hands and smiling all the time. After ten minutes of catchup conversation with mom, the girlfriend let go and wandered to the restroom to powder her nose. I seen the perfect setup coming into play. And yes, just moments later a very loud female scream escaped the restroom. Turns out, old Polly was on the toilet and the girlfriend was about to drop her jeans and not paying attention.

To this day when I think about that scenario, I always say to myself, “Polly want a crack?” Right? funny isn’t it? I think it is.

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